15 Little Known Facts About Brad Huff

1. Brad Huff' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. 2. A man once asked Brad Huff if his real name is "Charles". Brad Huff did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded. 3. Brad Huff never misspells a word. If he does, he simply changes the spelling. 4. The chief export of Brad Huff is pain. 5. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Brad Huff--more than meets the eye, Brad Huff--robot in disguise," and starred Brad Huff as a bicycle racer who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided. 6. Brad Huff was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Brad omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths. 7. Brad Huff once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" 8. When Brad Huff plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. 9. Brad Huff can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya". 10. Brad Huff sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled bicycle riding ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Brad roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. 11. Brad Huff does not sleep. He waits. 12. When Brad Huff's girlfriend burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Brad said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his girlfriend asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Brad Huff." 13. Brad Huff took Mat Ankneys virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I thought Mat had already lost his virginity.", then you are dead wrong. 14. Brad Huff is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. 15. Brad Huff once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.